My Story

I’ve always been skinny. All my life I danced, ballet was my favorite. I loved the feeling of being lighter than air.  Yet when my family moved the summer of my 8th grade year, I stopped.  I never wanted to stop, but my hatred for my parents, disgust of not being where I wanted, and my depression halted all dreams I had of becoming a ballerina.  

During that year I began to cut again.  I first started to cut myself in what I remember to be the 2nd grade.  I cut before I even knew what cutting was.  I took safety pins and scratched my skin until it bled. I just remember the feeling of all my pain going away after I saw the blood pour out.  So my 8th grade year with scars and cuts on my arms, I entered into a new school with no friends.  

So I went into a abusive relationship, to please him I started taking drugs, smoking, drinking, becoming everything he wanted me to become.  He thought it was cool that I cut, so I continued, I was cutting every chance I got.  

Yet, as I ended that relationship, I fell for a guy who helped me stop cutting, but I ruined that one and went back into my abusive relationship.  All throughout this time I was keeping my skinny with all the drugs.  I was 108 and not happy. 

So, I ended the abusive relationship, and ended up dating my long time best friend. He was the best thing that has ever happened to me.  He helped me become the person I wanted to be, and I became happy.  Yet of course, with my happiness I began to eat.  So, here I am at my heaviest weight. I’m still happy, I’m just now fat. 

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror and want to go back to that girl who was always commented on being too skinny.  I felt good back then, all of the boys looked at me, all of them wanted me, but now…. I’m not as happy as I could be. 

So no now, I’m going to lose weight, become skinny, so skinny, and I will become the person I want to be.